she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
