Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
