I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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