I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
