Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you. Go after that dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
