At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
