Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
