Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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