One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
