if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
