Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had sex on a roof
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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