clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
