and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
