woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
