You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
