The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
