the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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