She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
