I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
