someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
