since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
