Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
