Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
