Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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