dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
