if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
