I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just gift wrapped bread.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
