I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
