Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
