My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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