God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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