if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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