I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Are we still banned from the library?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
