some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
