it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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