Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
