the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
