I want to walk on stilts...naked
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
