I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
