I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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