Will you blow on my dice?
Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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