btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
