no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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