sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
