we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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