We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
