"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
