omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
