So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
