Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
