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It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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