In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
