I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
